tears and stolen blessings

dad's inscription

Some of my most prized possessions are those inscribed.

Last reminders of his presence on earth. And the tears fall as I run my fingers over his name. And I wonder what other wisdom he might have imparted if only we’d had a bit more time. If only he hadn’t gone downhill so quickly. If only he would have imparted some wisdom and a blessing before he entered into eternity.

Some moments I feel robbed of blessings. Robbed of moments that I should have had with my dad. But I know he prayed for me daily, prayers of blessing I will never know. But I have to believe that every hour was known, and the timing was as it should be, though it’s never long enough. I have to settle for the many memories that I did have. For the blessings that he did leave behind, like this one. Even though my love language of words craves for more detail. More descriptions and more adjectives. All he left me was that “God would bless me as I follow his path.” it doesn’t feel like enough. And maybe it isn’t, but it sure is a lot. And maybe one day I’ll be able to look back on my path and see so much more.

dad memory collage

Tonight the tears fall and I rest in the arms of my risen Saviour, in whom I sometimes bring more questions, and have to be okay with mystery, and the pain and the tension of the world not as it should be, but caught in the in between, in the already and not yet. Caught in between an eternity to come and the reality that the kingdom is here now; eternity has already begun.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Love you, praying that the things inscribed in ink are also inscribed on your heart from the other moments you got to share with him.

  2. Marcia says:

    Very insightful.

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