I feared that the events of the past 3 weeks would drag on and be discouragement after disappointment, as they had in the past. Instead, God has totally been present. I have felt carried by prayers of others, of my community and friends and family. I have failed and there was a mess. And through it all, I recognized my inadequacy, and entrusted my future, my income, my work, my life into the hands of a trustworthy Father. When I acknowledge my failure and inability to fix the mess I had made, Jesus came in and has been making something else of my mess. And this time I knew I could trust that he would take care of me. And he has, he didn’t waste any time showing me how loved I am, showing me how much it’s not about me. And how much he can be trusted.
And somehow, even through the fears, the worries, the tears, the surrender, my hands have remained open.
I went from picking up my final check, to walking to staples where I had copies of my resume printed and walking all the way home
searching for places to leave my resume, to walking into one cafe and walking out with a job.
There have been many of these moments. God has been surprising me one day after another, one moment after another. He has been providing work, through various avenues.
Last week I worked four jobs. I connected with my temp agency one week ago and had work the next day, spending four days in one of my favorite buildings in all of Chicago.
Today, while recovering from the past week and resting and littering the floor with tissues from a stuffy nose, I took phone call after phone call and have an interview and a new placement that starts tomorrow. All of this has been such a whirlwind. It has sped by and gone so quickly, as I have needed it to go, in order to keep up with my expenses, and thankfully so. Many unknowns remain and I am sure many more lessons will continue to be learned, but tonight I thankful to be a daughter and a child of God.
This process has felt more like a reminder to rest and trust in Him, and less about doing it all on my own. There is a fine balance somewhere between taking the reigns and falling into His arms, and I have leaned heavily on those arms while trying to do my small part, and continue to be obedient and follow where he leads me. Tonight he whispered that I should stay home tonight and rest.
And the funny thing is that is what I’ve been doing all day. I simply answered the phone and was open. I think he is showing me that he is absolutely trustworthy of my life, my livelihood, my needs will be taken care of and most of all that my identity is completely in him, in my inheritance in the kingdom, and in my Father. He is proving to me that there is value in being still. There is value in waiting for him to lead the way. And it’s not about performance, it’s not about production, it’s not about being good enough, it’s not about being anything. It’s all about Jesus. And his strength, his love, his grace, his mercy, and his provision.
And oh, how he cares for me.
Surprised by his grace, mercy and love for me.