frozen

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i need…

stuck in a cycle of up and down and in need of a change. I have unintentionally isolated myself for the past month. I don’t know how to ask for help, because I don’t know what it is that I need help with. I feel like I’m at a tremendous low point. I’ve given up so many things. I’ve emptied myself more than I ever thought possible. The rewards have been tremendous. But I’m still in the process. And I hunger for abundance and joy and I don’t even know what I ought to say or do. I feel like I’m frozen in place. Not in time. Just unable to move. I’m so limp and I don’t know how to take another step. I’m frozen. broken. empty. uncertain. questions make no escape from lips. am I searching in the wrong places? am I ignoring and avoiding key areas of necessary growth? i don’t even know what my measuring stick looks like right now.  i don’t even know what parts of me are good and what parts need work. broken. the process is painful. am i that stubborn that it’s taking so long?

i feel like an aimless wanderer and have forgotten what joy tastes like.

light? joy? new? fresh? mercies? stability? hope? that’s what i need.

(that last bit….that’s what you can pray for)

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