more or less

in a city filled with skyscrapers

that make you feel 2 feet tall

and very dizzy if you try to find the top of the building that you are standing next to

or dizzy if you take the elevator up and down a few too many times

or dizzy if you look out from the 26th floor and slowly glance down at the ant size people walking

//

as these buildings rise

my calling is to go lower.

less of me…

in the words of misty edwards (servant of all):

you got to go down, if you want to go up

you got to go lower, if you want to go higher and higher

in the inside–outside-upside down kingdom

where you lose to gain and you die to live

//

and this has not been easy. it’s still not. i’m still fighting it. still resisting the whispers and commands.

my response is to question, “why?” especially when it doesn’t make sense. it doesn’t “match” my giftings, knowledge or experience… I make excuses.  rather than to say, yes Lord. i react, i respond unwilling. i ignore.
why would you ask me to do THAT?
I don’t have anything to offer THEM.
I’m busy. I can’t. I don’t want to.

—> that one. —> I don’t want to. <—-

it seems to be the response that needs to be purged of the most. it’s easy to serve in areas that we love and are excited about. it’s much harder when we have to choose to do the one thing that we just. don’t. want. to. do.

servanthood does not come naturally.
going lower is my last choice, typically.

i’m learning how to start with servanthood.
i’m learning and taking baby steps to go down, to go lower.

to get off the throne that is not mine to sit on.

to reluctantantly obey.

and learning to obey sooner rather than later. and hoping that the more i do obey, the less reluctant i will be.

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