train tracks

I am learning to lean toward the proactive side
and quit falling on the passive side of life
my dating convictions have negatively affected the way i pursue life
i don’t think there is anything wrong with my dating convictions,
they remain strong convictions: do not pursue, girls don’t pursue.
however, as i said, it’s spilled over into the rest of how i live my life
how i make decisions (or not)
and ultimately how i live my my life.

i fear being too proactive and plan-y and goal-driven
for fear that i take too much control and try too hard to
to do it myself.

but waiting can’t look like nothing for too long
and life doesn’t just drop into my lap
i have spent much of my life RESPONDING to invitations and opportunities
and much less pursuing or asking if I could come along.
i speak primarily of my career pursuit(s) and goals and jobs and such

i want to find the right balance of honoring and waiting on the Lord and listening and following the Holy Spirit and
at the very same time moving forward, knocking, taking steps, pursuing, going after things, and seeking
instead of sitting here
watching the clock
and tick

and tick and tick

and tock

until someone stumbles into my path and offers me the perfect dream job ever in my life.
yeah. so unrealistic.

learning to find the balance between rhythm and seeking and sacred and resting and being present and listening and stepping and moving and knocking and going and asking and looking and all that without falling off the narrow track and taking control and running my own life.

it’s not my life.
but it is my life.
mine to give
mine to give back
to the original giver
he sings over me
he fashioned me
he has plans for me
no eye has seen, no ear has heard what God has in store for those who love him.
ask. seek. knock. A.S.K.

Go and do.
faith without deeds is dead.
{all images from compiled into my own collage}


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