11:53

I hope that this month and the coming days and weeks I can feel and experience the presence of God. That the work he has been doing inside me, in my soul and in my heart, the molding and the shaping, the pruning and the refining, that slowly some buds of fruit would begin to open. That healing would continue, that my eyes would be opened to things I don’t see, and don’t even know what wounds exist, that I would be strengthened and rely fully on the Lord, that I would find all my delight in the Lord, that he alone would be my source and my joy. Going back to some of the basics and relearning and trusting again.

Those are my words from the first day of November. As I reread those words last night, I thought about the process I have been going through in the past 28 days. It’s been a lot of what you’ve read here. Just processing and working through everything. I heard a quote once that it is through writing that we are able to think…and that is SO me. It puts them into words that don’t always makes sense until I see them with my eyes or hear them with my ears.

The first thought I had reading this was that God has answered this prayer. He has uncovered a part that I didn’t know hiding in a dark corner of my soul…in the ugly parts of my heart. So for that I am thankful. That it has been revealed, so that I can begin to deal with it, now that I know what it looks like.

And I keep going back to this song, You Are More, as different parts of this song stick out. Tonight the first few words stand out.

On the day I called
You answered me
And the hope in my soul increased
I lift my hands
And turn my eyes
To the God who heals my heart
And gives me peace

(sorry if parts of this were unclear…I’m on day 4 of some kind of sickness and my head’s quite fuzzy…ready to explode.)

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