dreaming…part 2

I shared with you what Justin’s been teaching us at Co+op lately…

God has called me to tell a story WITH my life rather than just the story of my life.

I want so bad to do this. . . to step into the next season…to be moving forward…to be serving…living … abundantly … flourishing … joyfully … I have some key pieces that I want to offer back to my King. I want to use the gifts. I don’t want to hide them under a bushell…NO!

I feel so caught up in the how…that I don’t know what my next steps are.

It’s hard to know what to commit to and what to hold back…

There are so many varieties of ministries I could serve in. I would like to focus on music/worship team stuff, but I would also love to help the creative/visual arts team. There’s kids…but I don’t like more than a few kids at a time. I like babysitting…but classrooms full of kids aren’t my thing. I love creating. I love dreaming, I love throwing around ideas around a table, brainstorming together as a team. There’s co+op, and women’s ministries, and visual arts team and so much more. There’s the abolitionists team..but I think my best contribution with them is through music, like for the Imago Dei event back in September.

I have these key words…these key pieces that I want to use…and yet I don’t know how..where…how often…in what ways….and then I don’t know where to begin looking for a job…career…whatever…

My dreams, goals, plans, and passions have always been connected, work and ministry has always been something that I’ve wanted to combine. I know you can do ministry wherever you are…but I’ve always seen, thought, felt, and believed that for me it was…full time vocational church music ministry. I don’t even know what steps to take to get there. Where ‘there’ even is. What ‘there’ looks like. What a single next step is. How to set goals that would be practical…and wise…I’ve pursued a music degree…I volunteer, I sing BGV’s, I lead, I plan, I write. I’d love to go to seminary…I just don’t want to take on any more debt right now, until my finances are under control and I have an emergency savings and other savings and started paying off my undergrad loans.

My grandpa was a pastor. A preacher of the Word. My dad was a missionary. A translator of the Word. I am a singer, a worship warrior. I sing and communicate the Word through song. There’s more to it than that…but in the most simple way… that’s the best way I can put it.

I feel like I’ve had so many random unconnected jobs. I feel like I’m a victim of open door syndrome. I walk through the doors that are open. Is that wrong? I was accepted to Campus Crusade…does that mean I should’ve said yes?  I don’t know. But I know that I was where I was supposed to be at the time. I feel like a victim of the stupid economy even though I believe that God is bigger than the economy.

I feel limited in my own abilities…not good enough to do stuff on my own…not that I even want to…I love teams…groups…belonging…being a part…I can write a few songs…but not enough on my own….I can barely play piano…I can’t wait for my spouse to show up before I start living…I know that…I just don’t know how to do this on my own.

just broken shards of clay. hoping to shine a little light through.


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