going back to basics

…back to the beginning. I mentioned in my last post, all things new, that I am going back to the basics and relearning those things.

I can’t help but think of the Sound of Music when she says, “Let’s start at the very beginning, A very good place to start”

Just thinking about beginnings leads me to think of other songs, such as In the beginning by Bethany Dillon, from John 1:1, one of my favorite scripture songs.

Anyways..back to what I was saying at the start of this post. Basics. I don’t know why but I need to believe that I am loved, even though I know this truth, and I sing it and believe it every single time we sing One Thing Remains…  Some small part of me doesn’t, I guess. Not easy to admit, but it’s there. I tell others the very truth I don’t fully believe myself.

I wonder what the peace that passes understanding feels like. I wonder what it’s like to be fulfilled. I wonder what it’s like to have dreams come true. I wonder if I really believe that God has plans for me, plans for a future. I wonder if I’ll ever marry, when and if I’ll ever meet him. I wonder if I’ll ever have a stable, enjoyable, job that I love, doing what I was made to do. I wonder what it even looks like, let alone if it will ever happen to me. I wonder when I’ll stop feeling needy and fragile and lifeless. I wonder… Here I am, in all my brokenness.

And so back to the basics I go.


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