i wish i knew what to say

i’ve logged in a few times. but i have too many things and yet a shortage of things to say all at the same time. i want to tell you everything about what’s going on. but i’m in the middle of a very steep learning curve and it’s a little tricky. so this is my attempt at saying i wish i knew what to say right now, but i’m still figuring it all out.

i can tell you that i’m experiencing some growing pains as my fingers get pried open and my heart begins to be molded.

i read a fabulous book by Henri Nouwen today. it was just what my heart needed. Called the Spirituality of Fundraising. And most of what it talked about wasn’t fundraising but dealing with issues of the heart and asking questions like this:

“Money has something to do with that intimate place in our heart where we need security, and we do not want to reveal our need or give away our security to someone who, maybe only accidentally, might betray us.”

  •  …Our relationship with money, and how we ourselves relate to money. What is the place of money in our lives?
  • “We fear being dependent on others because of the idea that dependence is a threat to our security.”
  • “The pressure in our culture to secure our own future and to control our lives as much as possible does not find support in the Bible. Jesus KNOWS our need for security.
  •  “The Spirit of love says, don’t be afraid to let go of your need to control your own life. Let me fulfill the true desire of your heart.”
  • “How do we become people whose security base is God and God alone?”

ouch. Nouwen gets me where it hurts. the more I attack and wrestle the issue of finances the more I am aware just how much of an idol and spiritual issue it is. it’s so much more than being willing to give up 10%…there is so much more to it than dropping a check or a bill in the offering. that’s it.

If you are interested in the book…it’s a short little PDF thing that I’d love to share if you need it :) or you can get it for $12 on Amazon. Leave a comment with your email address and I’ll send it over, red rover!

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