another late one

being transient is really messing with my sleep. then again I still haven’t had much time to properly process and journal. maybe I’ll remember to bring my journal in from the van tomorrow.

I have learned many things that are heavy and surprising and shocking and horrifying and heartbreaking. Things that happened and things that were done to others and just a lot of crap my extended family has experienced. it doesn’t surprise me in the sense that sin doesn’t surprise me, but the secretive, hush-hush, whispers have kept things hidden and unspoken. more aware of how imperfect our family is and considering everything from generational sins and hereditary health things.

So tired of the disease of stupid fake plastic mannequin “good christians” (no one specific) just speaking of this epidemic.

ugh. so much for a “great spiritual heritage.”

When will this facade, masquerade stop??

I am so thankful to be part of a community of believers who are intentional about authentic faith. About confession, and transparent lives. I can’t wait to be back at church.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. David says:

    sometimes I wonder if we’re just functioning Christians… and not authentic at all?

    1. Lori Jo says:

      Wellll…I really see different levels of this, ranging from false superior religious to pious religious to authentic, sincere followers and disciples. I see so much of the the first two, religious that make stuff more important than it needs to be, for example, prohibition of alcohol in many churches of the southern states. Having sat in several churches this past week with many prayer requests for others and vague descriptions of sin issues. I sense such a difference, that is more than just cultural differences. There is just something of a hidden evil of darkness and judgement and faith based on works, even though these same people will proclaim grace, and yet live as if they’ve earned it.

      What I am not trying to do is say that I have it all together, everyone is a work in progress and I know a lifetime of that is ahead of me. What I am feeling is so hard to figure out the words because it’s so different to the culture I have spent the last 5-10 years in, really. I am in a place where I finally came to recognize my depravity and ugliness of my own heart and constantly reminding myself that I can never be good enough, and when I mess up that I confess and learn that nothing can separate me from God’s love even when it feels like I have failed too many times. I know my church is not perfect. But there is something very distinct about our pursuit of authenticity…

      I still have a lot to think and process through and I really think I need to verbalize some more of this and in person with a couple trusted friends of the specifics that I learned.

      I do see your point, btw. :)

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