Envy struck it’s ugly, very evil head at me tonight.
Turned my heart a very ugly color. I had a perfectly good day at a big extended family birthday party, good chats with my aunt, uncle and cousins throughout the day and then settled in to read and journal at starbucks and made the mistake of checking facebook and twitter feed. I saw two things, two groups of friends, events that immediately irritated me and I could almost see the jealousy, loneliness, left-outed-ness and lies rising. I sat there a few minutes and got more and more pissed at the “situation”. Carefully walked out of starbucks and stormed to my car, opened the passenger door and threw my stuff inside, slammed the door, stomped to the driver’s side, sat down and slammed that door. Let out an audible sigh, in my private car bubble, and began sending out an SOS text message to a few close friends and small group girls.
I was being lied to by the enemy, and he was trying to sabotage my emotions and make me feel horrible.
If you’ve been reading the past month you’ll notice I’ve been sharing and learning about my core sin of ugly. envy. This night was different in the underlying ways I am affected by envy more overall. What happened tonight was an attack, designed to sabotage my feelings and my friendships. Satan doesn’t like community, he hates relationships. He doesn’t like spiritual friendships. He likes to isolate us and lie and deceive us in so many ways. This isn’t the first time this kind of “incident” or occurence has happened, it hit me back in December.
The difference was I recognized it for what it was, took a moment to breathe and not react, but sought my community to pray for me. Then, with the authority given to me as a child, a daughter of Jesus Christ, my King, I spoke aloud and told the demon of envy that I despised it and that it didn’t belong there or near me. I claimed the blood of Jesus, and proclaimed my place and my identity as a child of God, I don’t remember exactly what phrase or identity I spoke, but just one of the basic essential ones. I then proceeded to the girls’ house and shared with a friend what had happened and felt much better. It didn’t last more than an hour, and I know it is because of battling in prayer.
It’s wonderful to have the gift of discernment and be able to see things in my own life, and not just in others.
Thanks for your prayers. xoxo
P.S. I would love to hear a sermon on this subject, envy, jealousy, discontentedness and not just the surface level stuff, but the rootedness and ways to combat it, ways to arm myself, things to pursue in opposition. Have you heard any related teachings on this?