one year

it’s hard to believe that a year ago I stepped down from SCU small groups leadership.

it was wonderful being at the leader training last night even though I’m not in one particular spot right now, aside from leading worship here and there.

i love college students. i love the community that has held me so tight. yet this was hard and yet so necessary for me, an unexpected, unplanned decision that was made at the end of a conversation, as the natural conclusion of a meeting at Panera Bread one Sunday morning, a year ago.

i have grown so much and yet so little in this period of time. i learned quite a bit about the ugliness that is Self, but still so much to learn. the goal was healing and i know i’m not finished, but much healing has taken place. my sister is back in my life which is all i should care about, but i am selfish.

i find myself in a place of excitement and yet great fear.

a tomorrow of questions, possibilities, uncertainties, full of hope.

i am beginning to emerge out of the tension and chaos into the beautiful and attempting to walk one step at a time.

i have an interview tomorrow. a pt job that is much needed, that just came up out of the blue.

i wonder if what i actually fear is certainty.

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