my heart: what i really want

some late night dreaming…a peak into my heart:

please know this: i’m an imperfect extravert, a total dreamer, impractical, creative soul, passionate about all things relating to worship, spiritually sensitive, Spirit-seeking, faith-filled, question-asking, fear-fighting, heart-broken-but-slowly-being-restored and seeking Christ’s plan above mine. what i reveal may not be what it should be, but it is what it is, in my broken, imperfect self, but it comes from within. im a conceptual, visual thinker, my words reflect less literally than they reflect a yearning, a plea, and I am in this place of joblessness, broke, and truly searching for God’s direction, and ultimately what i want won’t matter, because it’s all in His hands, and His plans are what I really want. I have an inkling that some of the things that he’s put in my heart are things he’s intended.

what i really want:

courage and freedom to dream big

to use my ideas for something bigger than me (strength: Ideation)
to serve and love and do what I’m created to do,  in work and in ministry, preferably working in a ministry position, loving and serving the body and Bride of Christ (passion for the Church)

regular access and refuge to a quiet room with a grand piano for songwriting and jesus time

to be loved, deeply known, listened to as the complex soul that i am (need)

to see lives restored, broken hearts placed into the healing, tender hands of Jesus

chains broken, freedom that only Christ can bring, masks to be removed, walls torn down

to be obedient and a listener and responder of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, a doer, not just a hearer.

for Truth to bring light into darkness in the lives of everyone…

for more people to worship in Spirit AND in Truth, and somehow help communicate the importance of doing so and being fully engaged in corporate musical worship times so that it might spill out like an overflow into our daily lives; maybe it needs to be daily before it can be sunday…I’m still decyphering this.

i don’t want:

to be assumed, don’t want to be figured out at face value, (i’m a complex soul)

to work somewhere that i can’t get behind morally, ethically (profit seeking, etc)

a dead end job

to be single forever

to be broke forever

to miss what God has for me

to ignore God’s voice, calling, purpose, or direction

{photo taken in the desert by my friend Jessica}


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