But I like gifts…

Sometimes I feel validated when I can be neatly boxed into a certain type. Other times I refuse to be categorized, stereotyped, analyzed and boxed in with personality types and other neatly packaged ways to define people.

There are the Love Languages, the Meyers Briggs, the Strengths Finder to name a few.

Because of my colourful upbringing and adventurous childhood growing up outside my “home country” I don’t know if I can be put into a neat little box. I feel like an exception to the rules that these personality types.

According to the unofficial personality tests I’ve taken online I’m something of an ENSP but I could be an ENFP. I’m not very good at answering some of the questions…indecisive or uncertain on some.

My love languages are: predominantly giving gifts and words of affirmation. I think I’m fairly fluent in quality time and physical touch too. (of course only a linguist’s daughter would say this) acts of service is an area of weakness, I can play a good hostess, but doing the dishes is not on my list. It is something I try to be more intentional about, since it’s my mom’s love language.

My strength finder results are: Input, Ideation, Adaptability, Positivity and Woo.

Basically according to that, I like learning, have lots of ideas; i’m a dreamer, am very flexible to change, am upbeat, and my love for people.

What none of these things can tell you are that sometimes it feels lonely being an extravert, and that I often feel a foreigner in my so-called home country. None of these tests can tell me where to look for a job or how to determine God’s plans for me. They can’t tell you what my favorite color is or that I love pandas and bamboo, and the piano and the dulcimer, and the subject of worship, or that I love reading Christian biographies, spiritual growth and disciplines, that I love college ministry and the beauty of the night sky. It can’t explain why I love the zoo more than Disneyland, or why I love certain smells, or the sunshine rather than the clouds or rain. Or that Christmas is often disapointing as gifts for me may be few and how that is frustrating when I’m such a giver. Of course that points to my selfishness, but it’s still how I feel. It’s an odd time of life-being single at this point in life, I find myself buying things for myself since no one else is going to buy them for me. Going back to my original thought… Is the love language of gifts a selfish language? I sometimes feel as if there is a stigma that comes with it but don’t really understand how to balance the feelings, with truth and contentment and need to feel loved. I think about this more often around my birthday and Christmas.

I am trying to focus my heart off of the gifts…but it is not easy, I know the moment will come on the morning of Dec25 and I’ll still feel bleh. I guess I want to know how I am supposed to feel and receive love when I don’t expect many gifts?


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