a lightness in my soul
weight that is lifting
as i slowly release it
from my grip,
my grasp to tightly held doubts,
controlling grips and idols,
good things that became gods,
fears and doubts and pride
finally reaching a place where i can actually feel
this lump of clay is finally showing some shape,
“oh look a leg!” as it were,
being shaped and finally some light at the end of a very long tunnel.
could it be that i’m finally getting it?
picture from tonight’s beautiful rain and rainbow right over our house, was like a hug from God, a reminder that God keeps his promises, that he never forsakes and that he really loves us, he so loves us.
I have SO much on my heart that I want to share with you. (This might turn into a two-part-er) Firstly…Last night I read a couple articles a friend who is also going to Chicago shared with our group, and was just absolutely struck by the simplicity of what it means to live missionally. I’ve been trying to grasp it, grabbing books to read on it to grow and learn and challenge myself.
Tonight at our College and Young Adult Gathering (Co+op at Sandals Church) we started a 4 week series called TEN/FORTY MANDATE. (I’m gonna assume that most of you know what that is, or you can google “10/40 Window” and figure it out in two seconds). We had a crash course tonight. There are 6921 unreached people groups in the world, not people, people-groups. Of the more than 7 billion people on Earth, 2.7 Billion live in this window, that makes 40% of the Earth’s population. Derek shared many statistics, many of which I’ve heard before as an MK as part of my Dad’s missions presentations growing up. I understand what a people group is, because I grew up in one.
Justin (Our College Minister) challenged our group of about 300 or so to consider going to the nations next year.
About 30 people stood up. I was overwhelmed by the obedience and selfless faith (I see a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith!) and witnessing the movement of the Holy Spirit, it was as if I could see the wind of God blowing through. God is moving in our group and I could not be more excited of that and that God is answering the prayers of a 2 year old and his dad. I am seeing God moving in the lives of many of my dear friends, seeing many familiar faces standing and telling God, “Here I am, send me”
this is my life right now.
stuck behind a hill unable to see the view ahead.
when I take time and do the effort needed to climb the hill a beautiful view and new perspective awaits. and this isn’t even that great of a view, but it’s better than the first one, and it’s part of the journey and I just gotta keep climbing, because a new view awaits.
What you are about to hear is the sound of yours truly alone in a tiny practice room with a baby grand on a Friday afternoon. I recorded this rough take on my iPhone, it’s an original song I wrote this past summer. It’s rough but I wanted to get it out here and let u have a listen. I am hoping to get more of these out there to share and stop keeping them to myself and my iPhone :) A little bit more about the song…the phrase I trust in You and Lord Jesus, I trust in you are not so much grand statements of faith, but rather a desperate plea and reminder to my heart.
The summer that I worked at Forest Home, I learned about a little type of prayer called a breath prayer (where you breathe in a phrase and exhale) and this was my breath prayer: “Lord Jesus, I trust you“
This idea turned into this little song, that I know without a doubt that God granted me and helped me to uncover and share. I have shared this with a few small groups of people, and the first time I shared it, everyone in the room began to sing it with me. It was one of the most incredible moments of my life, to hear other people singing songs that I have been writing. It was an incredible night of worship, not for the talent, not for the lights or fancy equipment, I was sitting in my friend’s living room at the piano with a room full of worshipers, and the Spirit of the Lord was there With us. And that is why I continue to attempt to write and record despite my inadequacies and inabilities and insufficiencies.
Because He asked me to.
Whatever I do
wherever I go
all glory to You
Lord Jesus, I trust in You
Song by Lori Joanne Quick Copyright 2010
EDIT: Here are the full lyrics :)
I trust in You
to lead the way
Direct my path
and light the way
Whatever I do
Wherever I go
All glory to you
Lord Jesus, I trust in You
Wherever You lead
I will follow
Guide my steps
I trust in You
I trust in You
Rid all my pride
my fear, my doubt
arising in my soul
how can i just…waste my time
when there is so much hurt, brokenness in the world.
how can i …
what can i…
how do i even go about following this absurd voice asking me to write songs of hope and healing?
how do i do this and pay my bills? am i to look for meaningless work and spend the rest of my time pursuing this songwriting/leading/worshiping/warfare task…
how do i lead a life worthy of the calling i have received? (ephesians)
the task is so vague. and yet could it be more specific?
i see needs. i can’t figure out how to connect the dots. he calls me. he said write the songs.
he said he’d take care of me.
but i still worry.
the weight of the world. the voices of the world taunt me. just get a job. just do this. just do this. why don’t you just..
nothing makes sense. but i feel called to so much more than just…work.
continue seeking the one who calls me. continue pursuing his direction and leading.
for he has given me what i need in this moment. and that has to be enough.
Jesus is enough.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
When a person’s self-worth or success hinges on the achievement of a goal which can be blocked or which is uncertain or impossible, how will he respond to those who frustrate his goals? Often he will attempt to control or manipulate the people or circumstances who stand between him and his success.
For example, a pastor’s goal is to have the finest youth ministry in the community. But one of his board members blocks his goal by insisting that a music ministry is more important. Every attempt by the pastor to hire a youth pastor is vetoed by the influential board member who wants to hire a music director first. The pastor wrongly perceives that his sense of worth and success in ministry is on the line. So he shifts into a power mode to push the stumbling block out of the way. He looks for a way to change the opposition’s mind or remove him from the board because he believes that his success in ministry is dependent on reaching his goal of a great youth ministry.
A mother believes that her self-worth is dependent on her children behaving in a certain way. Her goal is to raise perfect little Christians who will become pastors or missionaries. But as the children reach their teen years and begin to express their independence, their behavior doesn’t always match their mother’s ideal. So instead of helping them grow through adolescence and releasing them into adulthood, she tries to control them.
It is not hard to understand why people try to control others. They believe that their worth is dependent on other people and circumstances. This is a false belief as evidenced by the fact that the most insecure people you will ever meet are manipulators and controllers of others. But people who are secure in their identity in Christ don’t need to control others. Their goal is to be the leader, spouse, parent or employee that God wants them to be because nothing can keep them from being what God wants them to be but themselves.
Lord, I affirm that my worth is based on my relationship with You and that I am free to become the person You want me to be.